Tim Dowling: the kids have all left home – but we still can’t get rid of them

I thought an empty house would give me peace and quiet. I was wrong

On Saturday morning the youngest one calls from his flat to say that, after many delays, the building’s management have finally installed pigeon netting over the shit-covered landing outside his front door. Unfortunately, he says, they have somehow managed to trap a pigeon inside the netting. My wife comes down to my office while she’s on the phone with him, so I can listen along.

“You’re just going to have to wait till it calms down, and then throw a tea towel over it,” she says.

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